I have long been an old lady at heart. I mean, I like crossword puzzles and cross-stiching. Loud music makes me irritable. I don't really like going out. I love my cats. I like watching shows like Matlock and Colombo. Now my body is starting to be convinced that I'm an old lady, too. My wrists hurt, now, when I'm cross-stiching, when I'm opening jars, and increasingly when I do things like turn door knobs or open medicine bottles. I'm going to start having to get the non-child friendly caps. My bones crack and pop half the time when I stand up or bend over. Plus, the last time I went to the doctor, they said I shrank an inch. I don't really believe them, but then I start to doubt myself. I think... I must be deluding myself. How likely is it that a doctor office would have a broken measuring contraption? If I've already shrunk an inch, how many more are to go? By the time I'm 80, I'll be 2'3".
Oh, and I almost forgot about the non-senile dementia. I forget things all the time. Just so you know, I really did almost forget about my memory problems. That wasn't an attempt to be clever. I was thinking, "There's some other way I'm an old lady.... hmmm... what was it again?" Sometimes when I try to talk to people at the grocery store, I can tell they think there is something really wrong with me. I'm miming out "bag" because I can't think of the word. They smile at me the way they do at old ladies, acting like I'd dotty. I get things mixed up in my head, too. Like, the other day I tried to say that today 1 in 5 boys have autism. It's actually something more like 1 in 175, or something. I can't remember. It's definitely not 1 in 5. Common sense should have stopped me before those words even left my mouth. But common sense has left my brain. I worry. This is not some sort of normal progression. There has been a marked decrease in my brain activity. Again, I ask, what will happen by the time I'm 80! Some doctor needs to diagnose me with old ladyitis. I'm sure that I have an actual disorder. The good(!) news is that I still look like I'm 12.
13 comments:
You are not alone. BT makes fun of me for being an old lady b/c:
1.) I wear a lot of cardigans.
2.) When I sit in the passenger seat, I cross my ankles, put my purse in my lap and smile politely out the window.
3.) I get mad when there are teenagers on my lawn.
You might want to get a bone density test. Grandma Ricks had started having broken bones from osteoporosis at a ridiculously young age.
And a thyroid test, because that can explain a lot of those things (assuming you're not joking).
I think the forgetful thing is normal... at least that is what I tell myself because I am forgetful too.
I like your old lady behaviors. Joe says that you are a kid at heart because you like video games.
Since I wrote that post I've thought of a few other reasons I'm an old lady- i.e. I think I probably smell like a mix of cat pee and rose water witchhazel. Old lady smells for sure.
If I get a bone density test, I'll probably have to take boniva. I don't think I wanna.
Tell Joe thanks. I am the kind of old lady who is a kid at heart.
Oh, and I forgot to say that I've had my thyroid checked out. The doctors always say that it's fine.
MOMMY I THREW UP BIG TIME ON THE FLOOR IN THE OTHER ROOM. IM ALSO WORRIED THAT IF THE ECONOMY GETS BAD YOU WILL EAT ME. LOVE MANGO.
That seems freaky. Although, maybe the person just took it wrong. Or, maybe your used to getting measured in the morning, and this time was at night. Your spine crunches down throughout the day.
I'm very forgetful too btw. Also, I like all of your habits, and you don't smell like cat pee.
Not to freak you out, but you NEED the bone density test. You can always say no to a prescription. Bone jarring exercise helps. Think running, or high impact aerobics. And about the memory thing...you might want to have your iron checked. B12 once a week (gotta be a shot...let Christy do it) will help tremendously. As will EPA/DHA. At least one a day. Twice is better. Doesn't just help memory. Helps with dry skin and hair. You need to take care of yourself girl!!!
Thank you for the concern. I do plan on discussing the supposed loss of an inch with my doctor when I go back in a couple of weeks. I would have asked her about it the last time I was there, but I was so confused I could barely process it. I've had my iron and B12 checked pretty recently and both of those should be fine.
I haven't had internet access in FOREVER, so now I'm catching up on my most important reading! I'm an old lady too, you know - I think that's one of the reasons we always got along so well (playing cards in a coffee shop on a Saturday night...I wish we could do that NOW!)
If we have to be old ladies, as least we can be funny, wise ones.
Megan! Wow, it's been a long time. Yeah, playing cards in the coffee shop were good times. It still makes me sad that Blue Sky closed, that place was the best. I think I'm a funny old lady, but I'm not so sure about the wise part. Hope you're doing well! Now that you have Internet access, you should definitely start a blog.
What, Blue Sky closed? I didn't know that. Of course, I haven't been to Athens since the last time I saw you - 3 years ago? That makes me sad, too - and I was also a fan of Jittery Joes.
I was sort of anti-blog (for me, anyway) until I started one for work. Now...maybe. But I don't think I have anything interesting to say! Maybe I can start being more debaucherous so I have some material...
Yeah, Blue Sky closed a long time ago. I'm thinking about 4 years ago, but I might be wrong. I think that's how long it's been since I've seen you, too. Jittery Joes is still open (last I saw), and has actually expanded a lot. I think the original owners might have sold it, though.
As you can tell from my blog, I don't have anything exciting to write about either. But, a few people like my stories, so that's all I need. I think more than a few people would enjoy your stories, so you should definitely start a blog. Just do it!
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